I was entering the elevator and clicked the floor where I was going, but instead of going up, it went down.
The door opened.
- De what happened?!

It was Bill. I didn't say anything, I got up from the ground and hugged me, I started to cry. He replyed to me hug. I don't know why I started to cry, maybe because I couldn't take the situation all by my self or maybe because I really loved Matt even if he hurted me.

We were in our floor, Tom was coming out of his room

- Bill I'm going to the beach, you... - He turned around after closing the door, and saw me hugged to Bill, trying to hide my face.

- Tom take her to her room, she needs to rest.

He picked me up and took me to my room and layed on my bed.

I turned myself to the right. He sat on the ground in front of me and watched my face. HE was worried... very worried.

- Are you alright?

I nodded.

- Whant me to leave?

- Yes...

He stood up and started to walk towards the door, I started to think better, I didn't whant him to leave, in that moment he was the thing that I most whanted.

- Tom.

- Yes.

- Stay please.

- Ok. - I listened him closing the door, he walked to the place he sitted before and sat.

He was looking at me, I was looking at him to.

- Get some rest De.

- Don't leave.

- Why would I?

He smilled I returned the smile, I fell assleep.

In my dream Matt followed me, he killed Bill, Ge and Gus and now it was going to be Tom, when Matt started to cut Tom's throat I woke up and sitted on the bed.

- De what happened?

- ... Nightmare. Tom can I ask you something...

He looked at me, I whanted to ask him but I was affraid that he might say no.

- Can you... Can you lay here... in bed...?

I looked at him and he layed by my side, I don't know why but I felt more secure with him by my side. I came more closer to him and fell asslep on his chest while he was with his hand in my back.
I didn't had another nightmare.

Etiquetas: chapter four, Pain of Love

...He opened the door and Tom entered.
-Hey Deja.
-Tom.
-Can we talk?
-Yes.
I smilled and he sitted in my bed.
- Tell me.
I looked at him and he gave me a serious look.
- De... What happened last night...
- Tom... I don't whant to talk abou that...
- Please. I just whant to know this.
Silence.
- It wasnt the first time he hitted you, was it?
- Tom. It had never happened before. It was the first time, and he was ... he was drunk, nothing more.
I was lieing. It wasn't the first time Matt hitted me. Everytime when we got back from tour, and come to Germany, we have discussions wich always ended in him hitting me. I don't whant anyone to know... by know it's better.
- You don't know how to lie.
- I'm not lyeing!
- Yes you are!
He stood up and started to walk around the room.
- I'm not!
- De I know you! Everytime we are on tour you are happy, excited and you always go out with us, but when we are here, when we arrive, you're happy, you're the Deja I Know, but after that, after you being with that fucker, you are sad, depressed, tired and sometimes you come hurt, or you think that we don't see it?! We almost live in the same hotel room!
- Tha-that... That is nothing! Nothing is happening! Now please get out I have a date with Matt.
I got up and he gently grabbed my arms.
- Why?
- He sent me a message telling me sorry and to meet him at the beach.
- Are you going to forgive him?
I looked into his eyes.
- I - I... Don't know.
I hugged him, and he got out of the room.

At the beach

- Deja!
-Hey.
-Im so sorry babe! Please forgive me, I love you! And I know you love me back, please forgive me!
-Matt I don't know if I will.
-Please! I love you, yesterday what happened was all a mistake!
I started to think in what Tom said, and in all those days when I got back hurt, sad and broken hearted.
-Matt the problem is that it wasn't just yesterday...- I was a bit frightened with how would he react - It's always. When I'm here or when I'm with you, you always end hurting me.
We were sitted in the sand near the watter. I was grabbing my legs and looking to the ocean while talking.
-I don't mean to do that babe, I would never hurt you.
After Matt say this I took a pause to again think if it was worth all what I was suffering.
We spent more or less than 30 minutes without talking.
-No.
-Was babe?
-I think it's better to end, it's not working anymore...
I looked at him, he was looking to te sea.
-You don't love me anymore?
-I don't... I don't think so Matt. And even if I loved you, I wouldnt be with you. You hurt me to much.
-You don't whant to stay with me maybe because you love somebod else, better maybe you're dating someone else.
-What?
-You know who I'm talking about.
-For the love of gott.
-Admit it.
-Bye Matt.
I got up and started walking away from him.
He stood up and yelled:
-Come back here, we didn't finish talking!
-Yes we did! - I yelled back while walking back.
I looked back, he was angry, very angry like when he was about to hit me.
-You're not getting the fuck away before explaining me why you whant to end.- I listened him saying to him self.
He started to run towards me, afraid of what he was going to do I started to run, but he was to fast and h grabbed me and layed me on the sand. He sitted on me.
-What have I done wrong for you to leave me!
-GET OUT!
-NEINE!
He hitted me.
-Answer why!
I tried to get to my phone with one hand, but I couldnt fint it.
- LEt me go Matt! Please!
- I'm not letting you go!
He hitted me some more times, I couldnt defend my self from him.
- Do you like me now babe?!
I don't know how, but I manage to kick him in hi balls, he leaned to the sand, so I got up and started to run away.
- Come here bitch!
This was the last thing I heard from him.
I walked 'till the hotel where me and the guys were staying.
I thought about what happened in that afternoon, last night, what Tom said to me... I thought about it all.
In the road many people were looking at me with a strange face, I didn't knew what was going on so I got into a little caffe, went to the bathroom and looked to my self in the mirror.
I was with some bruisings in my arms and face. Mainly in my arms.
I didn't care about it, and I totally forgot to hide it from Tom.
Hotel
I was entering the elevator and clicked the floor where I was going, but instead of going up, it went down.
The door opened.
- De what happened?!

Etiquetas: chapter three, Pain of Love

I woke up and started to think about everything that happened last night. My thoughs were interrupted by Bill walking into my room.
I got out of the bed and went towards him. I gave him a hug.
-Hallo.
-Hi.
-So ... Deja what happened last night?
I didn't answered, I started to look for my cellphone.
-Tom don't whant to tell me... And you to.
Silence
-You can trust me De... What are you looking for?
-Hum...? Oh... ah... my phone I don't know where it is.
-Is this your phone?- I looked at Bill and take the phone out of his hand.
-How...?Where was it?
-You lefted it in the bar last night.
I went to the batroom and started to wash my teeth.
-You're not going to tell me right?
I nodded
-I'm gonna make you!
-Oh really? How?
-Like this.
Bill started to tickel (?) me. I couldn't stop laughing. I started running to my bed, there he layed me down and started to tickle me again.
-I TELL I TELL!!!
-Ok tell me.
He stopped tickling me and sitted in the bed in front of me.
-So I was at the bar with Matt, when you and the guys came in, he started to asking me none sense things and then I slapped him and got out of the bar.
-But when you got out Tom went behind you too...
-Outside I was walking away from him, when he pushes me and slapes me, Tom came and punched him...After that we came here, to the hotel.
-You...
Bill's phone started to ring.
-Ja?...Ok.
I looked at him.
-I need to go, but when I come back I whant to know promenors... Are you staying here?
I looked at my phone, it was a Matt's message.
"Sorry for last night, please, come and meet me on the beach"
-Not any more. - I smiled.
-Bye De.
He opened the door and Tom entered.
-Hey Deja.
-Tom.
-Can we talk?
-Yes.
I smilled and he sitted in my bed.

Etiquetas: chapter two, Pain of Love

Etiquetas: chapter one, Pain of Love

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maio 2010, junho 2010,

infravermelho